Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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