I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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