Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
