Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
