I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
