And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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