okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
