Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
