I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
