I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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