its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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