woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
