you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
