I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
