Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
