And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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