Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
