we made out on top of his cat.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
