ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
