Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
