P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
