Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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