I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
