my mouth tastes like poor choices
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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