There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
