If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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