i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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