rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
