nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
