Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
