I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
