you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
