just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
