there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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