WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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