five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
