I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
