You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
