All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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