I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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