I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
