Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
