Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
it was like eating out sand paper
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I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
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Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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