This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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