Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
