I don't think brook has ever known best
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
