Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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