Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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