so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
