Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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