Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
