i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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