Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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