well I can't set my house on fire every night
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
