Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
