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I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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