That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
