one two three fourrrrnication!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
