I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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