Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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