she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
