dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
