sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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