let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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