hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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