i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
