you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
