im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
