I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
