cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
sick fucks of a feather flock together
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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