I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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