the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
