If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
