I think my vagina is haunted
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
