Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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