At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
