You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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