I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
