The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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