wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
