You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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