Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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