before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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