My nipple is on Facebook.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
